my name(s)
(An unintended yet big inspiration for this post has been the video How to give yourself a name by MallBat. Please give her a watch! Also goes to show how universal some of these experiences are.)
Hi! A lot of the times I’m not the kind of gal that would write weblogs, but it’s cute to keep it as some sort of diary, I suppose. See this one as an introduction, and a cool story about my name, and how it intertwines with my identity.
So yeah, nice to meet you! My name’s June, short for Juniper. It took me a while to think of this name, but I guess it’s domain-official now.
Not everyone knows me by that name, though. My grandfather, and the government, still know me by my deadname, ■■■■■■, for example, and at work, I am known as Robin to some, and Lynn to others. It’s kind of a confusing mess, considering in the 6-odd months I’ve been out as trans, this is my third name. On the internet some people know me by my nickname pyonium, something I chose because of the excellent anime Space Dandy.
Not a lot of these are names I prefer. I prefer to go by June, but also accept to go by pyo, as I still use the name on sites like GitHub and video games like League of Legends. Turns out, June and Juniper are often-taken names on bigger services, and discriminators aren’t as common as they used to be (thanks Discord).
Many other names I’ve felt comfortable with in the past. My old usernames included amalgamations with my deadname or just my actual deadname (kid me didn’t make the best decisions). After I came out as trans, I tried on many different names: one that was a lot like my deadname, and also androgynous, which felt right to begin with, but only because it was gendered ambiguously.
The name Lynn, which was nice, was told to me by my hairdresser when I got my first femme haircut, including highlights, killing time and talking about baby names. I remember hearing that name, and just thinking “Huh. That’s a nice name”, which became a recurring thought for the next week when I thought “Screw it” and changed my name. This is also my name on paper at my job now. At some point though, the grass seemed greener on the other side. I heard many different other names, and I just felt like trying some of those. That’s how the name June came to be: I told my partner and friends I wanted to try the name, and it just stuck.
Will I keep this name forever? I can’t say I will. Life’s too short to not play around. To not try different names. To play around with your identity. Heck, by just trying on stuff, no matter what society thinks of it, I’ve become who I am right now! Me and you aren’t immutable, we change, we are shaped by a constant stream of experiences. Why would we give some sort of strange standard of sacredness to our name?
Life’s too short not to play around. Go down the gender slide. Jump on the name seesaw. Swing on the sexuality swingset. You might just have an enjoyable day at the identity playground.